Principal News
The Importance of Friendship
The interschool on Wednesday was a wonderful event where students got to compete against students from Oamaru Intermediate that they had never played before.
At the start of the day, I talked to the students about the purpose of the day, and one thing I mentioned was that the people you play against today may end up being friends for life.
They may continue to play them in interschools when they are at St Kevins, Waitaki Boys or Waitaki Girls. Maybe they will play them when they make representative teams or they may even be in the same team when they represent the wider Otago area. They may end up being a good friend for life.
This got me thinking about the importance of friendship and the role a parent plays in fostering good friendships.
As our students navigate the teenage years, their world begins to change rapidly. One of the most significant shifts during these years is the increasing importance of peer relationships. Friendships are no longer just about playdates; they become the training ground where our children begin to explore their own identity, develop resilience, and learn the essential social skills they will carry into adulthood.
While this can sometimes feel like a time when children pull away from the family unit, these connections are vital. Research shows that healthy friendships provide a sense of belonging and boost self-esteem, and offer emotional support that helps our young people navigate the ups and downs of adolescence. Additionally, studies have found that strong, high-quality friendships are a key driver of positive mental health, sometimes even more influential than social media use.
How You Can Support Your Child’s Social Growth
It is a balancing act—we want to provide enough guidance to keep them safe, while offering the autonomy they need to build their own social confidence. Here are a few ways to help:
Model Healthy Connections: Children learn by observing. Let them see you treating your own friends with respect, kindness, and empathy. When they see you navigating conflicts calmly or prioritising your own healthy relationships, they pick up valuable social cues.
Keep the Doors Open: Make your home a welcoming space. Whether it’s a quick movie afternoon or a place to hang out, having a comfortable environment where your child feels safe inviting friends over helps you stay connected to their social circle.
Listen, Don’t Just Advise: When your child comes to you with friendship troubles, try to listen actively rather than jumping straight to solutions. Sometimes, simply acknowledging, "It sounds like that was really hard," can help them feel supported and more open to thinking through solutions on their own.
Encourage Interests: Friendships are often built on shared passions. Encourage your child to pursue extracurriculars, sports, or clubs. Connecting with peers through shared interests is a natural and low-pressure way to build lasting bonds.
Coach Through Conflict: Conflict is a normal part of friendship. Instead of intervening immediately, help them role-play or discuss how to communicate their feelings, set boundaries, or compromise. This builds resilience and independence.
As always, remember that you are the most important influence in your child’s life. By staying connected and open, you are providing the foundation they need to build meaningful relationships.
I chose the following quote not only because I am a big Pearl Jam fan, but because it captures the essence of what we hope to foster in our children: gratitude for the people who enrich our lives. By reflecting on how fortunate we are to have meaningful connections, we emphasise to our tamariki that friendships are not just social necessities, but are among life’s greatest privileges. It serves as a reminder that the relationships we nurture—and the way we care for them—are foundational to our well-being.
“Oh, I'm a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love. Some folks just have one, yeah, others they got none.” — Pearl Jam, "Just Breathe"